Adoption: To the Pregnant, to the Birth Mamas...

Sometimes, when I'm having a hard day during this "waiting" phase of our adoption, I find myself on our adoption agency website (American Adoptions).  I browse through the Domestic Adoption Situations... in case there's something calling to me (usually these special circumstances are way over our budget), then I will look through the other Waiting Families...sizing up our competition I guess.  I will look at our family's profile, wishing I would have said something different, used a different picture, worn cooler clothes or gotten a trendier haircut.  Although I know none of these things will shorten our wait, they help me get through the hard days.  While Willie naps, I obsess about the baby we are longing for.  The baby we are praying for, even though we don't even know if it has a heartbeat yet.

So yesterday, was one of those days.  As I was browsing American Adoptions, I came across a video aimed towards women considering adoption.  I started watching it, and was shocked at what I saw!  The pregnant woman in the video clicked on OUR faces as she scrolled through profiles!  Then, I saw us...with Willie...twirling him on the beach.  And, at the end, a close-up of Willie!  I couldn't believe it!  They used footage from our profile for this promotional ad!  

During those hard days, aside from obsessing on the internet, I write in my adoption journal, and I pray.  It never fails, when I'm feeling really down and discouraged, as if we will never connect with a birth mom and never raise another baby, God gives me a little hope.  Just a glimpse, something to hold on to, urging me to keep the faith. 

So, there it is!  I am so excited that we are part of this wonderful message!  But, as I watched this, it also reminded me of how hard this decision is for birth moms.  

To you, dear birth mother:

I have no idea what you are going through.  What a wonderful, loving woman you are to consider adoption for your unborn child.  I don't know how to give you peace, or how to comfort you as you struggle with so many choices.  However, I can tell you about the only thing I know...Love...

This child may be born with your beautiful eyes...I will make sure he sees the world without judgement.

This child may have your long fingers, your strong hands...I will teach her to use them to help the needy.

This child may have your smile, your lips, your dimple...I will help them change the world through their speech.

This child will have your genetics, your heart, your lungs, your mind...together, through your love and our love, this precious baby will grow strong and humble, spreading love, kindness and forgiveness.

To view our family profile, please visit American Adoptions by clicking here.

7 years ago, Jimi said it best...

"There you were under the tree of song sleeping so peacefully,
In your hand a flower played, waiting there for me.

I have never laid eyes on you.
Not like a before this timeless day.
But you woke and ya. Oh, ya smiled my nameAnd you stole my heart away...." - Jimi Hendrix

Seven...7...seven!... years ago today I got married.  I knew Brad and I would spend the rest of our days together before that Saturday, Oct 29, 2005 (4 years before)...but that day was definitely special.  I will never forget it.  So many friends, family, laughs, kisses, wishes, dances, drinks, etc, etc.  See for yourself :)

Love you Bradley Gilbert xoxo

My Wednesday - as seen from Friday

On Wednesday I had an appointment with my oncologist.  Another 3 months has passed....all too soon.  It's been 90 days since my last appointment...an emotional roller-coaster that lasts 90 days.  Only the end isn't fun.  It's stressful, and it's scary, and it sucks.  

It was also time for a 6 month CT scan, which meant a long day in the hospital.  Willie and I drove to Madison and met Brad at noon at the hospital.  We met in the parking garage, parked on the roof like we always do.  We rode the elevator down to the ground floor, and walked through the hospital doors together...the smell of disinfectant and cafeteria food hitting me in the face, making me feel sick.  Too many memories of those revolving doors....walking through them for biopsies, CT scans, MRI, 3 surgeries, 28 days of radiation.  It makes me sick...every. single. time. 

Like I said, the day was long, so I'm gonna bi-pass the details.  Here's the short (haha) version: I get an IV, drink 3 tall glasses of "contrast" flavored with powdered lemonade (the 1st glass is ok, the 2nd is tolerable, the 3rd makes me want to throw up) over the period of an hour, get a CT scan, get diarrhea from the contrast, wait for appointment with gynecology oncologist (I am now free to eat & drink for the first time that day since the scan is over, but I'm too nervous and sick to stomach anything), wait for the doctor with the scan results, wait for the doctor, wait for the doctor...& finally see the doctor, get the results, have the exam/pap, schedule my next appointment....90 days from Wednesday.  This process totaled 4/1/2 hours and left me feeling.....great!  Clean CT scan results will do that to you every time!!  

Even though I received my good results, for the 6th time in the 18 months that I've been cancer free (woo woo!), it's still overwhelming.  To receive good news is overwhelming, to wait for the appointment is overwhelming, to worry and to try not to worry, and to pray and to plead, and to try to understand and justify...it's all just so overwhelming.  So, it's hard.  And, worst of all, it strains my relationships...with my family, with my husband, with my son.  I yelled at Willie Wednesday morning.  ME...I never yell...and I did.  I yelled at him, and the minute I did I felt like the worst mom in the world.  Luckily, he's 23 months, and he didn't care...actually he laughed.  He laughed and I cried.  Maybe he laughed as a defense mechanism, I don't know.  But, I cried because I was overwhelmed.  I was scared, I was trying to brush my teeth before I drove to the hospital, and I was scared...the kind of scared that makes your bones ache.  I hope you don't know what I'm talking about.

It strains my relationship with Brad.  I get stressed and I get tense and I can't think of anything or anyone else.  A day or two before my appointment I stop functioning.  I can't cook, or clean, or do the dishes.  I can't.  I try not to let this happen, but inevitably it does.  About every 88 days, the roller-coaster slows down and comes to a halt.  So, I neglect the man that I love the most.  And, he understands.  He's been there with me the whole time...holding my hand during a biopsy, rubbing my neck before I'm taken to the OR, smiling at me as I wake up from surgery, taking care of Willie when I couldn't, treating me to margaritas after receiving good results, and being there, always, always being there.

As we got back to our cars, Wednesday, on the roof of the parking ramp, I realized I was exhausted.  I was hungry...really hungry.  I had a headache, a throbbing tension headache.  Did I mention I was exhausted?  Physically, emotionally, spiritually.  I've been a Christian as long as I can remember.  I thought I had faith, but looking back, I can now see how shallow it once was.  And, it's still growing, trust me!  I've been praying for a long time.  But, over the past 2 years my prayers have changed a lot.  Instead of "heal me", I pray for God to give me strength, as I know He's always with me.  Instead of "show me why", I pray for patience and the ability to fully trust Him.  Instead of "take away my pain", I pray for God to use me, help me use this experience for His works.  Phew, that's a hard one.  They're all hard, and I don't even understand them fully, but we are talking (God and I), and we are figuring it out.  To quote the author Philip Yancey, "Maybe sometimes God keeps us in the dark about 'why' not so much because He wants to keep us in the dark, as because He knows we are incapable of absorbing so much light."

We got home from the hospital a little after 5pm.  Brad stopped and picked up sandwiches on the way home.  I downed my 6 inch sub like it was going out of style!  I took a couple IB Profen, drank a glass of water (important to drink lots of liquids after a CT scan...except alcohol and caffeine, FYI) and my head hit the pillow on the couch.  I took one of those naps where you wake up with a wet pillow and drool all over your cheek.  It was awesome.  Today (Fri), I received word that my pap test came back normal.  Hallelujah!  So, here we are once again strapped into our seats, sitting on top of the first big hill, about to go down (this is the best part), and start the roller-coaster all over again.  Today is a wonderful today!  Wednesday was rough, but it's part of my life, and I have my friends, my family, and my faith to get me through.  Thank God for that!  Until next time, gonna keep on keepin on....loving, living, praying, and enjoying every bit this life.  

  

My Remb-"rant"

Yesterday, as part of an interview process, I job shadowed for an after-school art teacher position.  It was for a nation wide franchise that teaches elementary age children how to draw.  I was excited because I'm very passionate about art, and I agree that it is important to expose children to the arts.

However, (and that's a big however) it was horrible.  It started with step-by-step instructions on how to draw a picture.  Such as, "draw a line across the bottom of your paper that is 4 fingers wide", as the teacher goes around and corrects all the students that drew it wrong.  "No Emily, your line is too long.  You need to erase it and draw it again.  We need it to be perfect."  

And then, to my horror, when this pain-staking, creativity smashing, drawing process was finally over, they had to color their drawings in a specific order with specific colors in a specific style.  The flowers could only be warm colors...which I guess makes sense, because there are certainly no cool colored flowers in the world.... So, one little boy started coloring his flower blue, and then got a disapproving sigh from the teacher as his marker was taken away to be replaced with the appropriate color.

The teacher explained the proper coloring technique is to "outline the shape, and then fill it in with horizontal straight lines, back and forth, back and forth."  None of this "scribbling" nonsense!  This was particularly irritating to me, because I have a vivid memory of one of my elementary classmates telling me that I was coloring wrong.  She said, "you can't go in all different directions, it's too messy."  I've loved art from a young age, and I remember feeling bad that I was doing it wrong.

Anyway, you get the idea.  The pictures, in the end, looked great of course.  They were all very well drawn, very precise, colored perfectly.  The parents were impressed when they came to get their children.  The kids also learned a little art history, and some art terms...it wasn't all bad.  My frustration is in how expression and creativity were non-existent, even discouraged.  You can't make a flower blue, duh!

The absolute best thing about children is their imaginations!  Their creativity!  Their wonderful perspectives!  Children's artwork is truly amazing.  Maybe I'm just annoyed because I'm more of an abstract artist.  There is definitely something to be said about having a skill, but anyone can develop it, and you have the rest of your life to do so.  I say, let that wild imagination loose while it's still there!  Next thing you know you'll be all grown up, sitting in your office, staring at the flower painting on your wall...wishing they were more inspiring than red and orange...like, perhaps, blue?

"I was probably born with the ability to draw, but that does not
make you an artist." James Rosenquist

"Art is not what you see, but what you make others see." Edward Degas

"No great artist ever sees things as they really
are. If he did he would cease to be an artist." Oscar Wilde

"If I create from the heart, nearly everything
works. If from the head, almost nothing." Marc Chagall

"A work of art is a world in itself reflecting
senses and emotions of the artist's world."
Hans Hofmann

"A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art. Emotion is the starting point, the beginning and the end. Craftsmanship and technoque are in the middle." Paul Czezanne

"Every child is an artist, the problem is staying an artist when you grown up."  Pablo Picasso

My little artist.  He said he was painting a snake, haha.

Adoption: Our video is up!

Today is Friday the 13th.  It's been a good day.  I'ts raining for the first time in MONTHS!

AND, our adoption video is finally finished and posted on our profile!  Our adoption specialist said our profile has gotten good exposure over the past 2 months, we're just waiting for the right birth mom to pick us.
 To see our video click here:
http://www.americanadoptions.com/family_profile/p7/fp_id/27788

Somethin's Fishy...

Just a quicky on the fishies....

The Baby Goldfish Crackers (7.2 oz) are always the same price as the regular Cheddar Goldfish Crackers (6.6 oz). 

More bang for the buck! 

Beautiful Tuesday

What a beautiful day....sunny and 70!  It feels like the perfect time for a beautiful post!  This actually should have been written a month ago when I got my hair cut (maybe a procrastinating blogger isn't the ideal combination), but better late than never, right?!

Pantene has a program called "Beautiful Lenghts" that provides wigs made from donated hair to women undergoing cancer treatment.  It's similiar to Locks of Love, except they provide wigs to children suffering from hair loss. 

Anyway, my hair was pretty long and was starting to get to the point that washing, combing, and then "doing something" with it was a daunting task.  So, naturally I started pinning sassy short hair cuts on Pinterest.  Then, I heard a sermon at church about hoarding....how we shouldn't hoard our love, our posessions, our money, etc.  I kept thinking about how my long annoying hair could be another woman's beautiful wig of confidence.  I shouldn't hoard it! 

I made the appointment, I got the cut, and I mailed my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

Here's my new do!

And, here I am a month later (procrastinator, remember?!) about to mail in my 12 inch ponytail!

As a woman who has suffered from cancer, I hope my donation is able to ease someone else's pain and make them feel normal & beautiful during a time that can seem so ugly and lonely.

Movin' on...

Today I am going to give my maternity clothes to a friend.  She's entering her 3rd trimester and needs summer stuff, which is what I have.  When I was pregnant, I bought maternity clothes with the intention of wearing them for multiple pregnancies...I never imagined I would only do it once.  But, I am grateful for the opportunity to experience that one healthy pregnancy, and wouldn't trade any of it...especially because it ended with the birth of my spunky little Willie!

So, a few months ago I had myself a good cry and packed all my maternity clothes into a tote.  Brad put them in the attic...out of sight, out of mind.  I couldn't decide if I wanted to save them, sell them, or give them away.  And, to be honest, I still don't know.  I'm letting my friend borrow them, and when she gives them back, I think I might sell them as part of our adoption fundraiser garage sale.  Those clothes helped me get to baby #1, and now they can help me get to baby #2. 

Speaking of #1, he's pulling on cat tails and laughing so I've gotta go haha.

I paraphrased this a little, so it isn't a direct quote...
"God does not want you focusing on your past. If you stay focused on your past, you can't get on with your present, and God can't use you in the future. God says to forget the past."  -RW

I'm movin' on!

Adoption: Waiting and wearing adoption tees

It's been one month since we were activated with our adoption agency.  I've got to agree with Tom Petty, the waiting IS the hardest part.  The first week I was so excited, I think I jumped every time my phone rang...hoping it would be the adoption agency.  The second week I started to forget about the phone.  The third week was back to life as usual.  And now, it's been four weeks and I feel a lot more at peace!  I know we will be matched with our birth mom when the timing is right, so we will just keep living our life.  That's fairly easy for me to say since the weather has been beautiful and Willie (who is a feisty 18 mo old now) only wants to play outside in his pool or sandbox or mud.  So, we've got plenty to keep us occupied!

We finally got real pictures of our fundraiser shirts.  I'm not gonna lie...the fundraising is not going so well.  We might ask for donations of "things" for a fundraiser garage sale later in the summer...as I know plenty of people don't have extra money, but maybe you have extra things! :) 

I'm also continuing the search for grants.  As I've said before, this is completely frustrating!!  I finally found a few credible organizations and began the grant application process, only to find out they only provide grants to families working with non-profit adoption agencies...which ours is not.  Blah.  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming....

Anyway, here's the shirts again!  If you would like to purchase one as a donation towards our adoption, just click on the shirt you like and it will take you to Etsy where you can buy one.  They are adult uni-sex tees and are $30.  Thank you to those of you who have already purchased a tee or made a donation.  You are the best!!

 

Adoption: It's official! We are activated!

Hooray for today!  We sent in our signed activation papers last Thursday, and today we are officially activated!  Our profile is being shown to potential birth parents as we speak!  Let the waiting begin! :)  We are so excited to finally be in this stage of the adoption process.  No more paperwork for a while, hallelujah!

View our online profile here:
http://www.americanadoptions.com/family_profile/index/fp_id/27788

There isn't much more to say!  Please pray for us and the baby and the birth mother.  It's in God's hands now, and that feels pretty good.

Hope you are having a happy Monday too!

Adoption: Fundraising Fun!

We are now only ONE step away from being active...going live...waiting....whatever you want to call it!  We just need to sign our activation agreement (once we receive it) and mail it in, along with our activation fee.  Our printed profile is officially complete.  We got a copy in the mail last week!  It was a little weird to see our family all summed up and packaged together in one small 4 page flyer.  I feel like there's so much more to us than that!  BUT, I need to stop analyzing and be happy with it...I do like it and I think it represents us pretty well!  We are also making a video profile, so that will help to show us in our true light.  Brad and Willie are already practicing their dance moves for the video...haha...I don't know if we'll be including that!

Once we are active we can be matched at any time!  The estimated wait time for a match is 1-9 months (this is true 75% of the time).  When we receive the phone call that a birth mother has chosen us, that means we are matched! It's like waiting for Christmas, which could occur any day, haha!  However, once we get our match call, we are required to wire our adoption agency the rest of the money due within 48 hours...so that's a little stressful!

And, that brings us to fundraising!  :)  We have designed a couple tshirts, there are more to come, along with some other artsy things...I will post them as soon as they're ready.  Tshirts are $30, if you would like to donate more than $30, click the  Donate button below or on the side bar --------------------------------------->
(if you use the donate button to make a donation of more than $30, but would still like a shirt, indicate which shirt and what size during checkout.  If using paypal you can enter this info in the "add special instructions to recipient" box)


All money raised will go directly into our adoption fund.

We really really appreciate your support!  You are helping us to build our family, and we will be forever grateful.

Click on the shirt to be taken to our Etsy store to make a purchase
or email me at torrilyner@yahoo.com with your order

Click below to make a donation of more than $30:

If you would like more information about adoption costs and our budget, click here

Adoption: Budget

Brad and I have learned a lot about adoption during the past few months.  We've read, researched, and talked to adoption professionals.  It's been a great experience so far...adoption is something I've always felt in my heart, so I love learning more about it and especially reading adoptive family testimonials.  Someone once asked if I get tired of people questioning me, talking about it, explaining the process, etc.  The answer is absolutely not!  I sincerely enjoy educating others with what we've learned and sharing our experience with you.  

One of the big questions is, what will your adoption cost?  I'm not afraid to give this answer, as I feel it is part of the education process.  Domestic infant adoption (through an adoption agency) typically costs between $15,000 - $40,000.  Of course, they can be less and they can be more....our number falls somewhere in the middle.  These numbers are based on the information I was given by the agencies I contacted when doing my own research.  

Why is it so expensive?

I will break it down even further and list our projected budget:

Application Fee:                     195.00 - PAID

Home Study in WI:             2,169.44 - PAID

Home study review fee:          200.00 - PAID

Video profile development:  1,300.00 - PAID

Activation fee:                     2,000.00

Agency fees (listed below) 18,000.00

• advertising to locate the potential birth parent

• counseling and relinquishment proceedings

• living expenses needed by the birth mother during her pregnancy

• medical expenses needed by the birth mother and/or child

• foster care, if needed

• legal and termination fees to finalize the matter in a court of law

• agency travel expenses if needed

• agency fees

Total:                                 23,864.44


--This total does not include post placement reports or travel expenses for when our baby is born.  We are required to travel to the baby's state within 24 hours of the phone call telling us the birth mother is in labor/ or the baby has been born.  We then have to stay in that state for 7-10 business days as the paperwork between the baby's birth state and our state of Wisconsin is finalized.  I'm not looking forward to caring for a newborn and a toddler in a hotel room!  So, hopefully the baby is born in a state where we have family or friends...beware we may come knocking on your door with 2 screaming kids! :)


To help fund these expenses, we are doing a fundraiser.  We will be selling our own screen printed tees, along with jewelry and other homemade items.  You can find them here.  We greatly appreciate your support in our journey to build our family!

Adoption: One sidewalk step closer!

Today was a big day for us...a milestone in our adoption process!  Brad and I finished putting together all 50 (which actually ended up being 87) photos, and writing the photo captions for our profile.  We also completed all of our text sections, just finishing the "letter to the birth parents" tonight!  Wooo!  Feels like a weight has been lifted!  For the past couple months, I've had this nagging in my head telling me to get these things done (the nagging was in my mom's voice, haha!)  During this whole process we have been taking our time, living our life, and getting to things as we can...but man, it feels good to GET. IT. DONE!

So, what's next??  Now we wait....
1 - Our local adoption agency is still writing our home study...once it's finished we send it to our national adoption agency to review (I think they said this would be 2 weeks and cost $200)
2 - Our profile photos and text sections are in the mail as we speak...on their way to our national adoption agency.  Once they receive them, they will review them (this takes 3 weeks).  Then, they will send us a copy of our completed profile for us to review and "okay".  Then, we sign some forms, pay $2,000 to be "activated"...and we are officially a waiting family!  There's still a ways to go...

But, today we got one little sidewalk step closer....  :) 

Willie and I on our way to the post office this afternoon!

Adoption: Finding profile pics...ughh

Good news today on Valentine's Day!  We got an email from our social worker to verify some info, as she is writing our home study!  Wooo!  Finally!  Once that is finished, we will send it off to our national adoption agency.

We are also almost finished writing our essays (about our home, community, leisure time, pets, religion, family, friends, hobbies, etc, etc, etc).  Seriously, this feels like college all over again!  And, I happen to be Mrs. Procrastination, so that doesn't help.  Oh, and we have a toddler.  Haha!  Finding the time to sit down and concentrate is few and far between!

We finally found all of the pictures we need to send in too!  We need 50 pics, and this turned out to be a more complicated task than one would think!  My cute, cute husband happens to be making a stupid face in almost all. of. our. pictures.

And, it's not just with me....

Finally, he's looking normal in a nice, loving pic....

too bad he's with dudes!  Ugh, Braaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!

Well, now you too have gotten a glimpse into the past decade of my life...with Bradley.  Haha, I can't help it, I heart him!

Adoption: Our phone interview

Tonight was our phone interview with our adoption specialist from our national adoption agency.  She went over all of our preferences in our APQ (Adoption Planning Questionnaire).  She said we did a good job filling it out, and there were only a few things we might consider changing.

For example, one of the questions is: if the birth mom wants us to visit her before she gives birth, would we be willing to do that?  We had marked "unsure".  Because, well, we were unsure!  Haha.  The adoption specialist said if there was any way we could mark "yes", it would be to our benefit.  The birth mom could be only a couple hour drive from us, so it would be no big deal.  But, on the other hand, she could also be across the country in sunny Florida, or who knows where!  However, she said by marking "yes", we would be exposing ourselves to that many more women considering adoption...b/c some of them definitely want to meet the adoptive parents before hand.

Soooooo, we are still talking this one over!  All travel expenses are not included in our budget....traveling before to visit the birth mom (if we say yes to this option), and traveling to the birth (including staying in that state for approximately 2 weeks).  Yikes.  Anyway, there were a couple other things she mentioned that Brad and I need to decide on.

Other than that, she said we are young, and cute (hahaha, thanks lady!)  The only things she could see slowing us down are 1 - we already have a biological child and 2 - he is so young.  Although, she also said that some people could be fine with these things...everyone is different.  But, we still fall within the estimated wait time for gettin that baby in our arms, which is 3-9 months after we are "active".  I'm ok with that!

We are still working on finding our photos and writing our essays for our family profile...

Rocket & coffee help me out...haha 

Adoption: The home visit

Today was our home visit.  We woke up this morning to 3 or so inches of snow falling and the wind blowing, so Brad stayed here to work from home.  We spent the morning cleaning up a bit, then put Willie in all of his snow stuff (which is quite the frustrating process) and put him in his sled and went for a walk to St. Vinny's.  The wind was still blowing a bit, so we ended up carrying him half of the way there and back to block his face from the cold!  We came home, ate lunch, and Willie and I took a nap while Brad did some screen printing.

When we woke up, Brad called the adoption agency to make sure our social worker was still coming - knowing our luck, she would have to cancel b/c of the weather.  She said she was on her way!  We quick did some last minute cleaning, put the dogs outside, and patiently waited.  When she got here, she went over some questions...about our discipline/parenting style, our house, our neighbors, our community, etc.  Then, she took the tour of our house and told us that we were already approved (YAY!!!!!), and now she just needs to write up the home study.  She is waiting on a reference letter and copies of our birth & marriage certificates.  She said she would get started right away, as it takes her a little bit of time to write it.  So, wow!!  That wasn't as painful as we though!  Woohoo! one. step. closer.  Next, we have the phone interview with our adoption specialist to review our APQ, and then we have to start putting together our pictures & essays for our family profile.

Adoption: Disappointment, blah

Well, yesterday was disappointing.  We were supposed to have our final visit the our social worker, at our house, to finish our home study.

We spent all night Tuesday and all day Wednesday (yesterday) cleaning and making sure everything was up to par (except our bathroom which is under construction and without a bath tub!)  Brad got home from work about 2:30 to finish putting up all the required smoke detectors and fire extinguishers and to tidy up the basement.  Note:  It's not like our house was a huge disaster...but with 2 dogs, 2 cats, and 1 toddler...there is a fair amount of fur, fingerprints, paw prints, and toys to be cleaned up!  Oh, not to mention 1 husband and his dirty socks on the living room floor...ahem! 

So, our social worker was supposed to be here at 4:00 pm.  We had both dogs waiting outside, Willie was happy, fed and clean, all his toys were momentarily put away.  The clock kept ticking, soon it was 4:30, 4:45...wth!?  Brad finally called the adoption agency and they said that the social worker was gone...maybe she was on her way to our house??  They were going to call her cell phone and then call us back.  10 mintutes later we got the call, she's not on her way!  Apparently, her calendar on her Blackberry had gotten messed up and she didn't know she had this appointment with us!  Ahh!  We've been waiting a month for this home visit!  Seriously, we scheduled it 4 weeks ago!

To make matters worse, while we were waiting for our no-show, Brad got a phone call telling him that he needs to report for jury duty Thursday (today) at 8:00 a.m.  Normally, that would be no big deal, but we were scheduled to have our APQ review with our national adoption agency "adoption specialist" over the phone at 9:00 a.m. on Thursday, so now we have to reschedule that too!

After today, we were supposed to be 1 step closer to finishing our home study with our local adoption agency, and 1 step closer to becoming active with our national adoption agency...and now we have to reschedule both.  Frustrating!  Hopefully, we will get them both done by the end of next week.  And, I know 1 week isn't that big of a deal, but we aren't even to the "waiting" part of the adoption process yet, and it seems like everything is already taking longer than expected.  Oh, and today I found the envelope containing our finger prints....that I was supposed to mail-in a month ago!  So, now it will also take longer to process our background checks!  I guess with Christmas and all the traveling we did, I completely spaced out on that one.  Ugh!

Adoption: Home Study Meeting 2

Today was our second meeting with our social worker.  She went over my family history, and then had us each fill out a survey (in seperate rooms).  She got us back together to compare our answers and go over things.  It went fine...haha, we passed the test!  I guess over the past 11 years and numerous long car rides playing "how well do you know your spouse", this survey was pretty easy!  My mom was still here visiting, and came along for the ride, so she waited in the car while Willie slept, and then entertained him in the lobby while we were in our meeting.  Today we also got an email from our national adoption agency that stated their revised price ranges and wait times.  Higher and longer.  Boo.

Adoption: Spending my bday in jail, haha

Today was my birthday!  And to celebrate, Brad and I went to the local County Jail!  Woohoo!

We had to get our finger prints taken for our FBI background check.  I called earlier in the week, and they said that Sunday mornings were the best, b/c they were usually slow.  I asked what hours they were open and an unfriendly woman deputy said, "we're a jail, we are open 24 hours."  Duh, I guess!?  So, we drove to the jail and left Willie at home with my mom (she came up to babysit for my bday while we went out to celebrate in Madison).

Anyway, the officer on the phone had told me to go to the jail/courthouse, which turned out to be this giant building!  And, come to find out, every single door is locked on Sunday.  After driving around, trying every entrance, Brad called the jail number.  He talked to the unfriendly woman deputy and she told us how to get in.  We finally found where we were supposed to be....the jail.  We had to give them our IDs and a young guy officer took us into the back one at a time - I made Brad go first!  When Brad came back out he said, "you are gonna freak out Torri.  There were prisoners walking past me back there."

"Whaaaaaat!?  Great."

Then, the unfriendly lady deputy came and got me and took me into the hallway to frisk me.  After finding no weapons (ha), she took me into the back where the young guy officer took over.  It was weird because they had me walk in front of them and they told me where to go.  I guess this way they could keep an eye on me in case I "tried anything"?! Hahaha!  If only they knew the extent of my wussy-ness!  The rest of the process was easy and painless, but it was pretty depressing back there.  Oh, and luckily, I didn't see any prisoners!

Adoption: Home Study Meeting 1

Today we met with our social worker (as part of our home study) for the first time.  Luckily, we got to talk with her in a small conference room at their office that had a corner full of kids toys, so Willie was somewhat entertained.  She started off asking us how we came to adoption, what our fears/anxieties are, what type of adoption we are looking for, how we feel we will be able to care for an adopted child, etc.  Then, she went into depth with Brad about his family...relationships with his brothers, what his childhood & adolescence were like, his good and bad qualities, his hobbies, and on and on.  Next week, she will interview me!

She said that she was her parents biological child, but her brother and sister were adopted.  She said it's important to remember Willie.  A lot of times growing up, her siblings got all of the attention for being the "special", adopted ones, while she sat in the background.  I thought that was interesting because I hadn't really considered that.  I just assumed Willie would know how special he is and how much we love him!  She also gave me a couple of books to read...

"In On It" - Elisabeth O'Toole
"In Their Siblings Voices" - Rita Simon & Rhonda Roorda

I'm looking forward to meeting with her again next week!  We are also supposed to be working on finishing our APQ with our other national adoption agency, but Brad still needs to read the packets....grrr...

After the meeting, we stopped by the mall to do some Christmas shopping, and get a bite to eat at the food court.

Brad wasn't thrilled...not about the food, he loves food.  He hates shopping.  I don't know who was worse, Brad or Willie.  They were both crying...